ADHD and me.

I did this collage a few years ago and it still feels relevant 😂

Long time, no blog. The title of this post probably gives you a hint as to why, and might also explain much of my personality if you've known me a while. 

A year ago last week, after nearly three years of patiently waiting for appointments and meetings with doctors, I was FINALLY diagnosed with ADHD. I cannot stress to you the relief that this brought me, as it felt like I could finally start living my life like I was supposed to.

Speaking of which, this is going to be a LONG post, as I have rather a lot to say, so strap in, this isn't exactly a fun one as I'm pretty much putting everything that I've ever struggled with in my life out there which is, well, a lot. This genuinely isn't a plea for sympathy, and that's absolutely not what I want, but I would like to be as transparent as possible because I know that I felt incredibly broken until I realised that other people had the same issues as me, so if this post can help just one person feel less alone, I'll be happy. 

I wrote this post for a variety of reasons, one, to just get it off my chest and out into the world, and two, because ADHD is still so incredibly misunderstood and I know so many of my peers who have been let down by the system as much as I have, so making folk more aware of it as a condition is very important. 

Also, I don't own all the memes, credit to their creators, but I just needed to share some of them because it was honestly so affirming to realise I wasn't alone in feeling so hopeless at times.

And now for something a little more serious.

I don't make these kind of posts often, but I feel that this one is necessary as it might help explain why I post so erratically sometimes all the time.

This is just a little head's up - after seven years of relative normality, I'm back on anti-depressants as of three days ago. 

 

 I've been pretty low for a while now but my anxiety is at an all time high - I've had two panic attacks in as many weeks and I'm just so DONE with it kicking my arse at seemingly every opportunity.
I know many people like to keep their health issues to themselves which is totally understandable but I've always tried to be super open about mine, especially when it's a mental health issue, as unfortunately there's still a ridiculous amount of misinformation and negativity surrounding them and their treatment; something which ultimately put me off taking anything when my depression was really bad over ten years ago when I was still at school. I'd got it into my head that somehow taking meds for it was showing 'weakness' and that I was a lesser person for it which I (thankfully) eventually realised was utter bullshit.

You'd never shame someone with cancer or diabetes or a broken leg for getting treatment would you, so why is it somehow ok to do the same with mental health? I know of so many people who, like me, balked at the phrase 'mental health issue' because of the associated stigma, and it's honestly one of the worst things you could do to yourself.
My brain isn't functioning as it should, so I'm forcing it to get its act together, that's it. I am not defined by what shitty problems I have, from the aforementioned uncooperative brain to my arthritic hip or my PCOS - these are just crappy things that happen to have affected me, as they could anyone, and I refuse to let any of them be used against me. I may feel like shit most of the time, but that doesn't make me a shitty person, and I hope anyone reading this who is going through similar things feels the same way.

My hobbies have always been a huge help and a coping mechanism so I don't think this will affect things, but I did feel a little bit 'flat' the last time I was on these particular meds, so we'll just have to wait and see. I've got a few posts in progress though so I've got plenty to talk about! XD

Anyway, that's pretty much the purpose of this post, so umm, yeah, hooray for the wonders of modern medicine and for the NHS! 💓